it needed to be said
by kristy87
Summary: Sara heard the rumors about them, but she had refused to believe that they'd be true. When she sees them in the parking lot she starts believing that the rumors might be true and while she gives Grissom a ride home she suddenly can't keep still anymore. G


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or Grissom and Sara.

AN: This is a short story, only a once chapter piece. I just had to write this. Enjoy.

**WARNING:** NOT REALLY SPOILERS FOT 615 BUT WHEN YOU REALLY WANT TO BE SPOILERFREE YOU SHOULD STOP READING HERE

Summary: Sara heard the rumors about them, but she had refused to believe that they'd be true. When she sees them in the parking lot she starts believing that the rumors might be true and while she gives Grissom a ride home she suddenly can't keep still anymore. GSR

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it needed to be said

Sitting in her car, able to see what happened behind her on the parking-lot through the rear-view mirror without that one of the two people involved in the scene noticed her, she felt her heart breaking more and more with every second that his arms rested longer around that woman's body. She tightened her grip around the steering wheel, so hard that she almost lost all feelings in her fingers and the white color of her bones shone through her skin. Would her heartbeat not be clanging in her head, she could swear that her heart had stopped beating. Yes, she had heard the rumors about him and this woman, but she had not believed in them, she had refused to believe at least a bit of them… and now this.

She was shocked. Not only because the thought of him being interested in this woman had never occurred to her, but because she suddenly realized that everything she had believed in had been a lie. Everything what she thought had changed between them, changed in a good way, in the last weeks… had all this been a lie? Had it never happened? Or was this woman the reason why he had changed?

She felt sickness rising up in her stomach, thinking of the possibility that this woman was the reason why Grissom had stopped feeling awkward around her.

She was so angry. Angry about herself, angry because she had let hope change into the belief that he was ready for more, ready to let something happen between the two of them. She knew she couldn't blame him for anything and that made her even more angry. He hadn't given her clear signals that said that he would want more to happen, he had not told her that he wanted to be in a relationship with her, he had only started treating her like a friend and she had misunderstood him.

Gladly her shift was over and she wouldn't have to see him, leave alone talk with him. She just hoped that he wouldn't notice her on his way back to the entrance. She wanted to vomit, thinking of the fact that his 'girlfriend' stopped by here to see him when he had to work overtime.

She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned her head back against the backrest. Trying to take deep breaths to calm herself down she suddenly heard footsteps coming closer. Expecting him to just pass by without even noticing her, she was awkwardly surprised when the footsteps came closer to her car and then stopped, followed by a knock on the car window. _Damn._ She slowly opened her eyes, she couldn't ignore him now, even though this was all she really wanted. She should have left when she had still had the time to leave.

Before she could do anything he opened the door, the soft smile on his lips made her stomach churn. "Hey." And this happy sounding voice made her wanting to slam her head against the steering wheel.

"Hey." She was surprised that she had managed to speak.

He leaned his arm against the car frame and tilted his head. "You're on your way home?"

She nodded. So much for being able to speak. She just couldn't get a single word over her lips. Noticing that her hands were still clutching the steering wheel she quickly released it from her grip. She let her hands drop into her lap, they felt numb and sore.

He cleared his throat. "So…you have been sitting here for a while, haven't you?"

She turned her face to him, slightly puzzled. "What?" She tried to calm down her breathing, letting him know that the discovery of his relationship with the dominatrix had knocked her off the track was the worst that could happen now.

"Have you …been sitting here all the time?" He began to tap a melody with his fingertips on the roof. Sara recognized the song and the figurative knot in her throat grew even bigger. She wished she wouldn't know him that well. In fact she actually knew nothing about him and the things she did know, she only knew because she was a perfect observer, but those were habits, not the things she really wanted to know.

"My lip gloss fell under the passengers seat and I tried to get it back." Not a perfect excuse and a lie but being a liar was better than telling him that she had seen him and his girlfriend.

He raised an eyebrow, but then he nodded. Sara held her breath, hoping that he would leave her alone now.

"When you're on your way home, could you maybe do me a huge favor?" He asked, running his hand through his hair.

She didn't want to do him a favor. But she couldn't say no. They were friends. God she hated it that they were friends. She sighed and then answered softly that she could.

"Could you give me a ride home? My car is in the garage and since my house is on your way…" He paused for a moment, trying to meet her gaze but then he gave up. "…Only when that's okay for you. I can also call a cab."

"I thought you'd have to catch up on paperwork…" She slowly began to speak.

"I think I will do that tomorrow." He smiled softly.

He did not seem to notice what he was doing to her, did he? Probably that was her fault though, she gave her best to hide it from him, with expecting that he would notice it nevertheless, she was probably demanding too much. But she couldn't tell him that she did not want to give him a ride home. "Okay…but hurry up, I have a date." She hadn't. And she had not planned to enlarge her lie. And especially not this way.

For a second she thought that she could see a slightly shocked expression in his face, but maybe he had only been surprised and now the expression had disappeared again anyways. "I will just go and get my jacket, okay?"

She nodded and bit down on her bottom lip, watching him disappear. _Damn, damn, damn, damn…_ Absentminded she began to tap the same melody that Grissom had tapped before with her fingertips on the steering wheel. There was no way to get out of this but she hoped that he would simply ignore it that she had mentioned to have a date, that was what he had always done, wasn't it? Why should he have changed this behavior?

He returned and hurried to the other side of the car. He opened the door and let himself fall into the seat. He was out of breath, he must have been running. Kind of sweet, she thought, that he had really hurried up for her.

"You got everything?" She asked, trying to ignore everything else.

"Yupp." He opened his wallet and searched for something, but Sara tried to stop watching him from the corners of her eyes. She started the car and managed to drive without the urge to look at him for a couple of minutes.

While they waited for a traffic light to turn back to green again he broke the silence. "I'm glad that you are happy now." He spoke softly.

First she didn't know what he meant, but then she realized that he was referring to her comment about having a date. She swallowed hard, she didn't want him to think that she was happy with someone else. She knew it was ridiculous, he had a girlfriend, he was not at all interested in her, he would not be jealous, he would not want to win her back… he never wanted her. He had never wanted her and he would never want her. This sudden realization let tears rise up in her eyes.

She did not react to his comment and this must have made him suspect that something was wrong. "Everything okay?"

She just couldn't swallow the tears anymore. First her hands began to shake and she had not completely given up the hope to control her emotions, but then the thought that all she had ever done had been totally in vain, that all she had ever hoped for would never come true, that he would never love her back, that they would never be together although this had been everything she had ever wanted, made her loose the last bit of control. She gave up and let the tears run down her cheeks. She did not try to wipe them away, well knowing that she wouldn't stop crying for a long time anyways. She would simply ignore that Grissom sat there next to her, probably stared at her and wondered what was wrong. When he would ask she wouldn't answer, why should she, it wouldn't make him change his mind, it wouldn't make him love her.

The traffic light turned green and she started the car again. She was driving way too fast and she knew it, but she had already lost everything, she didn't care.

But Grissom obviously did. "Slow down." First he was still calm, but when she did not react at all he got nervous. "Sara, slow down." He told her with more power in his voice.

Her grip tightened around the steering wheel and she kept on ignoring him. Her eyes focused on the street, from time to time she wiped the tears away, rubbing the back of her hand over her eyes because otherwise her vision was blurred.

Grissom pressed himself into his seat. "Sara pull over and stop the car! NOW!"

This time Sara did what he said, thinking that before she would kill them both by driving into a house wall with full speed, she'd better face the disgrace that this situation brought with it. She slowed down and pulled over. She turned off the engine and waited for Grissom to go overboard.

But he didn't. "Sara, what's wrong?" His voice had calmed down again.

"You ask what's wrong with me? Do you really want to know that?" She asked with an angry undertone in her voice. She knew that he was not to blame, but still she was mad.

"I wouldn't ask if I…" He started but couldn't finish because suddenly the words simply blurted out of her.

"I gave up my life in San Francisco to move to Vegas, just to be near you. I worked twelve hours and more, seven days a week, just to be near you. I know you never asked me to, but… you never said you wouldn't want me to either. You said things that…You told me that you were interested in beauty since you met me, you called me honey, you… you said things that just made me think that you might like me the way that I like you. When I was close to hit rock bottom you were there. Both times. You gave me the feeling that I was more than just a subordinate for you, more than just a person you work with, sometimes even more than just a friend. And now… now you're with her."

"Sara…"

"I heard how you said that you couldn't do it. Risking everything you ever worked for, for me. I should have stopped loving you right then. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Because, whenever I was so close to give up, something happened and suddenly you noticed me again."

"Sara could…"

"I don't understand it. Did you think that being involved with your subordinate would make you loose your job? Or am I too young? Do you think people would be frown upon our relationship because I am fifteen years younger than you? I think that age is nothing but a number and when two people have feelings for each other that are so strong that… I… I don't… Do you really think that people will be less frown upon your relationship with a dominatrix than with a woman who's not selling her body for money but is instead working for one of the best labs in the country, who has a masters degree in theoretical physics and went to Harvard with a scholarship?"

"Sara…"

"What does she have that I don't have? I… I could wear leather, I could learn how to whip people the right way, I… I am not a very dominant person but I could try, I mean when it is that what you like so much. Or is it her character? Her charisma? I didn't notice she had charisma but maybe you need to be a man to see it. Is it that? Her breasts? Her ass? Are you just like the others, only thinking with your penis?"

"Sara!" he shouted out loud.

She winced, slowly realizing what she had said. Silence. She slowly came to the realization that she should apologize, but the word sorry just wouldn't go over her lips. Not now, not in the next moments.

The silence got more and more bone-crushing and the tension between them was already far beyond unbearable. But she wouldn't break it. She wouldn't speak with him ever again. She knew that he had done nothing wrong, it was not anger that she felt for him, it was more the pure embarrassment that she felt. And then it got even worse. He began to speak and what he said made her wish that the ground would open up and swallow her.

"I am not in a relationship with Heather." He spoke softly. "And I will never… Sara she's only a good friend."

Sara swallowed hard. She felt how her chest tightened and how breathing got harder. "Would you excuse me for a second?" With her whole body shaking like a leaf she left the car. _Where is a truck when you need one?_ She just couldn't believe what had just happened. She had never embarrassed herself as much as she had done tonight. She heard how he threw the door shut behind himself and she heard him walking over to her. Leaning back against the car, she covered her face with her hands for a second, then she let them slip down a bit, she bit into the sleeve of her jacket trying to swallow the embarrassment. It didn't work.

Grissom cleared his throat and softly nudged her arm with his elbow. "Hey." He spoke softly. And the fact that his voice sounded so warm made it even worse.

"Hey." She whispered.

He slowly slipped his arm around her shoulders. "I know what these rumors said about me and her… I just thought that you would know better." His voice sounded sad.

She glanced over to him for a second, but she just couldn't stand looking at him, not yet. "I…I tried to ignore them but then I saw you two on the parking lot today and… I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid." He pulled her closer to his chest.

The sudden feeling of closeness confused her a bit, but soon the soft sounds of his breathing and his warmth calmed her down. He softly took her hand, which had still covered a third of her face, into his and placed it on his chest. He held it in his hand and slowly let his thumb caress the soft skin of her fingers.

"Would you really wear leather outfits for me?" He asked with a boyish grin on his lips.

Sara couldn't help but smirk. "Only when you'd deserve it." She mumbled into his shirt. She felt his hand slipping over her back and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry." Apologizing was easier now, but it was still way too embarrassing.

"It's okay." He squeezed her softly. "It's okay." He also put his other arm around her, holding her closer to him. For a moment they remained in silence, until he must have remembered what she had said in the parking lot. "What about your date?"

Sara bit down on her bottom lip. "There is no date." She confessed. He looked down to her and then he suddenly brushed his lips over her forehead. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hot breath on her skin.

"May I tell you something?" He asked after a moment.

She nodded softly.

"You have much more charisma than she has. And I am not thinking with special parts of my body." He kissed her forehead again, this time he pressed his lips longer on her skin.

A smile flashed over her lips and she slipped her arms around his waist. "Are you mad at me?" She asked hesitating.

He shook his head. "No." he whispered. "No, what you said…needed to be said." His hand slid under her chin and he made her look up at him. Then he softly ran his thumb over her lips, lowering his face. He looked into her eyes and then he closed the gap between their lips.

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THE END

I hope you liked it : ) let me know what you think of it.


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